Athazagoraphobia: Fear of Being Forgotten
by MarissaReneeThatsMe
Summary: Have you ever had that feeling where even though your surrounded by a sea of people, you still feel alone? Rated M for language and maybe lemons. PaulxOC


**A/N: I re-uploaded this chapter because I wanted to change a few things. I changed the name, it used to be _Me, Myself and I_ but I think this name is better. Athazagoraphobia is a real phobia(well duh) and I thought it went with this story really well. I also changed the way I introduced everybody, it flows a lot better now. Lillian, Tangie, Ashton and Mason(some more of Faiths siblings that will not be introduced in this chapter because they are not in it) will be introduced in the next chapter. The last thing I changed was a little bit of the dialogue but not much.**

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Have you ever had that feeling where even though your surrounded by a sea of people, you still feel alone? Well I feel that everyday of every year. All 12 months. Every single lonley 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes and 31,536,000 seconds of every year since I can remember.

So your probably thinking, _Oh shes just another attention seeker who says crap like this so people will give her all the attention she wants._ I wish I could say that was true. At least those people actually have people who care enough about them to listen to there lies. But me, I have no one. Not that I'm lying, because I'm not.

I guess saying I have no one isn't necessarily true. I have my family, and its pretty big. Ten kids; including me, and then there's our mother and father. No, my mom did not have as many kids as she did because of religious beliefs or some mumbojumbo like that but the truth is this is how she wanted it. She came from a big family and so did my father so it only seemed natural for them to have a big family as well.

I know they all love me to death and would be sad if I wasn't around anymore buts sometimes its just not enough. That must sound really inconsiderate, but its true. I want to know what its like to be loved by somebody who doesn't automatically love you because your family but loves you because your you.

For some reason I've never connected with anybody before. Male or female. I don't even really fit in with my family. Even though none of them are similar in any way, I'm the only one who looks extraneous to the faimly.

Even when I was a little kid at the park; while the others kids would play tag or build pretend cities in the sand, I'd be sitting on the swing hoping they'd invite me to play with them. I was to shy to go up and ask so that wasn't an option. It was the same way all through out Elementary and Middle School.

Freshman and Sophomore year of High School was a little better because the guys would always pay attention to me, though I knew it was just because they wanted to get in my pants. But I still liked someone other than my siblings to talk to. And still, there was not even one person who I truly connected with.

I guess I shouldn't bitch and moan about my problems because life isn't easy for anybody. My life is pretty damn good when I think about what some other people are going through. I should be happy that I at least have a family who loves and cares about me.

Like I said before, my family members are in no way alike. Our family is definitely _peculiar_. I'll explain just how peculiar the Zalewski family really is in a short moment but let me introude myself. My name is Faith Zalewski and I was the sixth kid born into our family. I was born a whole two months before the due date. Being a premature baby didn't affect my life much. I have asthma but its nothing bad and the only other thing is that I'm short for a seventeen year old girl, only 5'5". I'm lucky nothing serious is wrong with me.

I have natural blond hair but I dyed the underneath a dark brown. My eyes are light green and I have a olive skin tone: in between my mothers and fathers color. I'm in really good shape. I run two and a half miles every single morning and on top of that I do a cardio workout for a hour and half when I get home from school. I wasn't always in the shape I am now though. In middle school I started to gain weight and gain more weight until I got sick of it and decided to do something about it. I was never obese, just _fluffly_. Now I'm in kick ass shape and stayin that way.

As I said before, I'm way to shy, and I keep most thoughts to myself. I always say the wrong things at the wrong time and I've been told I'm weird to many times to count. I'm not stupid but I am not smart. I tend to not do the homework and zone out during my classes. If I applied myself maybe I'd be smarter but education isn't that high on my list of priorities—I know it should be, but it just isn't.

All my other siblings have something they are good at. For my brother Tristan its football, and for my sister Shaylnn its suffering. I'm such a klutz, I'm not extortionately good at anything. Or anything important to society at least. The only thing I am good at is beauty related stuff like hair, make up and fashion. I'm really good at those type of things but my mom says its not a talent. That all girls were born being able to do their hair and their make up. I didn't want to believe her at first but I guess shes right.

Some people say we are the second most beautiful family around—first being the Cullen family in Forks. Others say we are first and they are second because they are and I quote, creepy as hell. I personally couldn't care less but what I do care about is when people say that I should be a Cullen instead of a Zalewski because of how socially awkward and strange I am. I know I don't act like the rest of my family members but to have other people saying I shouldn't even be part of my own family, reminds me exactly how alone I really am.

I know that I'm never psychically alone, but that doesn't mean that I'm not emotionally alone. I always have one of my siblings around, and one of them is always dragging me somewhere. I go without a fight because I want to make me them happy but me, I don't think I've ever truly been happy before. The closet I get to true happiness is when I'm with my family or when I'm doing beauty related stuff. When I'm doing eithier of those things I'm happy—at least as happy as I'm gunna get.

_Beep! Beep! Beep! _I looked over at my alram clock and sighed. 4:30 AM, the same time I wake up every single morning. I know that seems a little extreme but I need time to run my two and a half miles and take a shower after and do my hair and make up. Plus, I go to bed around ten.

This morning my cat Scribbles woke me up at 4:00 AM. I couldn't get back to sleep so I just laid there and thought till my alram went off. I looked over to see if I woke Shaylnn up. Our room is pretty big so she was all the way on the other side; my alram usually doesn't wake her up.

Shaylnn was the third born, she's eighteen years old and is a senior in high school. Shaylnn has beautiful cooper skin—something she got from our father. She has very light blue eyes that look gorgeous with her copper skin. They look exactly like Amanda Swaffords eyes. Shes that women that is afflicted with retinitis pigmentosa, resulting in her being blind. She was on Americans Next Top Model Cycle 3.

She has stunning natural brunette hair, but says she wants me to dye it blond. I told her I wont do it though, because I love her hair the way it is. Plus she wouldn't look good as a blond, but I didn't tell her that part.

She is rather tall for a girl, 5'12". I think she should model. She has every thing she needs: The looks, the height, the personality. But she says she would rather run through the streets naked singing Believe by Cher, a song that she loathes; before she becomes a big boob, big butt, anorexic bimbo clone.

Her whole reason for living is surfing. She eats_,_ sleeps and _surfs_. Somewhere in between those she finds time to got to school and spend time with her boy friend of five years, Dawson. Dawson is a pretty tubular dude—surfer lingo, haha. I don't know him very well. All I know is that he is in love with my sister and treats her like a goddess. Plus he fully supports her dream of becoming a pro-surfer.

A few days ago he texted me saying that he wanted to ask my sister to marry him. He said that the reason he isn't asking our father if he could ask for her hand in marriage is because Shaylnn values my opinion more than anyone else in the world and if I said no then she would say no as well. I laughed at that and quickly texted him that he had my permission on one condition, he has to try his best to make her happy. That was three days ago and he still hasn't proposed.

Once I saw that she was still asleep I got out of bed and put my running outfit on: black Soffe's that had my name printed on the butt in big white bubble letters and a light pink cami. Nothing fancy.

I walked to the front door but as I opened it I remembered that I left my iPod in the kitchen on its charger. I jogged over to get it; when I got into the kitchen I found my dad sitting at the table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.

"Dad!" I ran over to him and almost knocked the breath out of him with the hug I gave him. Its not often we get to see our father, and its extremely rare to see him with just you and him so I am taking full advantage of the situation. "I thought you were supposed to be back from Africa late tonight?"

My fathers name is Erek Zalewski. He is half Native American and half Polish. His mother is hundred percent Native American and his father is hundred percent Polish; which is why we have a Polish last name. He has dark copper skin and light green eyes. He's very tall—hence why all the boys in our family are tall. He is hardly ever home because of his job. Hes a National Geographic Photographer and travels a lot so I don't know much about him. I know one thing though; hes still madly in love with my mother.

"I caught an earlier flight. I missed my kiddos to much," He said with a warm smile. I flashed him a smirk back and went to retrieve my iPod.

"Were going to that new fancy Buffet in Seattle tonight. Thought I should let you know so you get start getting ready the instant you get home from school," He said with a chuckle. Fancy Buffet? How in the world can a Buffet fancy?

"You know me so well," I smoothly lied as I put my head phones in my ears. I didn't turn it on so I could hear him speak. He only knows that I enjoy getting ready for a event because my mom complains to him about how I'm always doing my hair and make up 24/7. She tires to be sneaky about it but I heard her saying it to him on more than one occasion.

My mothers name is Susan Zalewski. She's a Doctor at the hospital in Forks. She is so many nationalities I forgot the instant she told me. I got my blond hair from her while my brothers and sisters got their hair color from our father. She is so light skinned that if her eyes weren't blue you'd think she was albino. She's home more often than my dad but since she is a doctor, she is gone often as well.

"Of curse I do, your my _daughter_! Now you better get going before the others get up." With that he went back to his newspaper. At least he knows that I like to run in the morning before everyone gets up. Its the only time of day I get to have by myself.

When I got to the door my dad yelled, "Oh and Faith, watch out for those wolves!" I rolled my eyes at that. Those wolves are harmless. I don't understand why everybody is so afraid of them.

I turned my iPod on shuffle and the first song to start playing was Effigy by The Smashup. About half way into my run I saw a huge silver form lying down by a tree. As I got closer I noticed it was a wolf. Not just any wolf—a _huge_ ass freakin wolf. I got closer and it growled lowly. If I was smart I'd get the hell out of there, but unfortunately smart is not a trait I inherited.

I got closer to it and noticed that its back leg was bleeding...it looked broken. "On no, you poor thing. What happened to you?" I laughed at my absurdity. I'm talking to wolf, was I excepting it to reply? I sighed and looked up at the wolf's face and into its soft sepia eyes. I was startled at how human they looked. I was even more stunned at the look it was giving me. My heart fluttered at its expression and...Wait, what the hell? My heart just fluttered over a wolfs expression! What, do I like got the hots for wolves now? Ew! But...Its not much diffrent than Tangie having the hots for JoJo from Horton Hears a Who....Nevermind. Scrath that, its way difrrent!

I shook my head and rolled my eyes at the bizarre idea. I need to look into getting some type of help. These thoughts of mine are just to much to handle sometimes. I looked away from its intense gaze and back at its leg. His...or her leg, I'm pretty sure its a guy but I'm not sure—_its_ leg has to be bigger then my whole body! Realization hit me as I gazed at it. These must be the wolves everyone is so scared of. "Your part of that wolf pack that everybody keeps on hearing at night aren't you?" I asked, not expecting a reply.

"You ain't so scary. Your actually pretty cute. You know if you weren't so huge I'd take you home with me. I doubt Scribbles would be happy about that. But he's never happy—he's a cat!" The wolf made a noise that sounded like it was supposed to be a laugh. I raised my eyebrow at in perplexion.

The wolf whimpered as a puff of wind blew by and hit its wound. I frowned at that and boldly touched his head. I started petting slowly when I got an idea. "You stay here and I'll be right back," I told the wolf as I ran back towards my house. I can't do anything to help him so I might as well get him something to eat.

I snuck a packet of hot dogs out of the refrigerator and ran back to where I left him but when I got there he wasn't anywhere to be seen. For some reason it made me upset, but I quickly pushed the feeling away. I sat the hot dogs down on the ground just in case he came back. I ran back to house and took a quick shower, I spent to much time running back and forth this morning.

I dried and straightened my hair. As I started to do my make up I heard a knock on my bedroom door and opened it to find Keegan leaning against the door frame with a grin on his face.

The first born were my older twin brothers Keegan and Tristan. These are two of the four siblings out of all ten of us that actually look like they are related. And still, they don't look like they could be twins, just brothers.

Each of my siblings look like they are from different families. People say that were adopted. We all used to think so as well up till our mother got sick of hearing us say that so she took us down to the doctors and we all had our blood tested. Turns out, we really are all siblings. Not to mention we all have baby pictures and videos that have both our mom and dad in them, plus the other children as well.

Keegan and Tristan are almost twenty years old and both are still seniors in high school. They started kindergarten a year late but that's not the reason they haven't graduated yet. Because if that was the reason they would of graduated high school when I was a Sophomore; meaning last school year. The reason they are still in high school is because they failed senior year last year and have to take it again this year. They say it wasn't on purpose but I think it was. They are like gods at our High School so do you blame them for not wanting to leave?

Tristan is the oldest by two minuets. He is naturally a brunette but dyed his hair dirty blond; actually I dyed his hair, and he has a really pale skin tone. He is on the buff side, though hes not the buffest guy at school, and hes pretty tall, 6'2". His eyes are the same as mine, light green. Our eye color is a shade of green you'll never see on anybody but a Zalewski. The whole family has unusual eye colors. Of curse there are rumors running around school about that. Some people say were aliens from outer space who got kicked out of "our home planet" for some type of crime we committed, others say we all wear contacts. Which I can assure you that both are negative. We are _not_ aliens and we don't wear contacts!

Tristan is the captain of the Football team. Last year he lead the team to state and won. Since he got held back he shouldn't be able to be Captain again this year but since he's adored by everyone, even grumpy old Mr. Smith(the football coach) he's the Captain this year as well. He has the cliche girl friend, Cheer Captain Amanda. Shes nice enough, just a little fake. Everybody says that I should be a Cheerleader because of the way I dress and my looks but just by hanging out with the Cheer Captain I can already tell that I wouldn't fit in.

One more thing about Tristan is that he is way to over protective of me. He wont even let a guy look at me without asking him, "What the hell are you looking at?!" Except the way he words it is more colorful—if you catch my drift.

Five minuets after Tristan came into the world, Keegan was born. Unlike Tristan, Keegan kept his natural brunette hair. He says its gay for a man to dye his hair. He has the same eye color as Tristan and I, and his skin tone is pale with a reddish hue to it. He's a little buffer than Tristan and taller by a inch. He is a incredible Hip Hop Dancer. Break dancing, crunking, jerking. You name it, he's amazing at it! Hes in a dance crew that he and his friends created when they were in freshman year. He loves rap—big surprise there, huh? And he goes to parties, if not every night, every other night and he has a new girl ever week.

"Yo Faith, I want you to dress how you do when you come to watch my dance crew," He said in his low-pitched voice. Whenever I go somewhere with my siblings I always dress according to the location.

My brother Bradely walked by and scoffed at what our brother said. "Keegan, that is not a dance crew. Its just a bunch of idiots who dress like _gansta's_ and dance around like a monkey with something up its butt."

Bradely was the fourth born, he's also eighteen years old and a senior in high school. No, Bradely and Shaylnn aren't twins. A week and a half after Shaylnn was born, our mom became pregnant with Bradely. You'll notice that this is a common pattern for our family. Bradely has dark amber colored eyes and a olive skin tone. His natural brunette hair is short and messy. Hes not short for his age but hes not tall. 5'11", one inch above average.

His passion is to paint. Usually nature related stuff but one time he asked me to pose for a painting. I agreed but not ten minuets into it I couldn't sit still so he had our little brother Ashton take a picture of me and he copied that onto a canvas.

Bradely is bi sexual and currently has a boy friend named Gavin. But usually he will have a girl friend. Our parents don't know about it but all of the siblings do. Me being the only person who doesn't mind. He's still my brother and whether he prefers women or men—both in his case, I will love him no matter what.

Keegan narrowed his eyes at him and started to say, "Something up its butt, huh? That's a feeling you should be familiar with—" but I ran over to him and slapped him in the arm before he could finish. He rubbed the area where I slapped him and looked down at me baffled.

"Okay, okay I will. Just _shhh_." He almost gave away Bradely's secret! I know dads down stairs but you know the theory about parents having ears and eyes everywhere. I don't want him to figure out unless Bradely decides to tell him himself.

I finished my make up and got dressed into my "gansta" outfit: a white and black striped rhinestone corset, a pair of light super skinny jeans, a pair of white and black stiletto heels, a black and white pinstripe fedora hat, a crystal cross pendant, and to complete my outfit, my grandmas black agate oval facet ring. She left it to me when she died—not something my mother was very happy about; she wanted it for herself. Instead of dressing the way Keegan and his friends do, I go with the old school gangster look. Much sexier I think.

I never _ever_ dress like this unless I go somewhere with Keegan so I have a feeling I'm going to get a lot of odd looks today at school. Once I was ready Keegan, Tristan and I headed off to school. Zander wanted to come with, but Keegan didn't want his "geek" of a brother in his ride.

Zander was the fifth to be born, he's seventeen years old and is a junior in high school—same grade as me. In fact, he is in every single one of my classes. Has been since freshman year of high school. I'm not complaining though, it gives me someone to talk to. Zander has the same skin tone as Shaylnn, the same eye color and natural hair color as well. He's tall like Shaylnn too, 6'1". They should be the twins instead of Keegan and Tristan.

You will never see me without Zander and vice versa. Were basically glued to each others side. Which results in him being intensely protective of me; more so than Tristan. By ten fold at least. He is the only other person in our family that does not have a significant other besides me. He says he'd rather play his video games than entertain some chick.

When we got to school Tristan was attacked by Amanda and I was dragged off over to Keegans friends.

I mumbled my hello to them and they nodded their head in acknowledgement. Keegan doesn't like them talking to me much because last time that happened I agreed to do something that I would of never agreed to if I could understand what the hell they were saying. Lets just say Keegan was not so happy with his homies.

"What do you think of that guy right there," Keegan said pointing to a guy in baggy pants and a baggy tee shirt.I raised my eye brow up at his definition of a well put together outfit. I was about say,"I think he should stay out of daddy's closet." But I soon came to understand exactly why Keegan wanted me to dress the way I am. He wanted to hook me up with this loser!

"Keegan, no!" I pleaded and turned to make my escape but he caught me by my pant loop and faced me forward.

"Yo Tyler! Homie, come over here and meet my lil sista!" Keegan hollered over at the guy. He ran over to us and Keegan left me alone with him. Tyler Delgado: the biggest womanizer at La Push High.

"Dayum your fine girl," He said, pronouncing the first word incorrectly. I know I said I wans't very smart but I must look like a College professor compared to this moron. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and gave him a small smile.

"Uh...nice to meet you too?" I said but it sounded more like a question. Keegan! How could he do this to me? He knows I'm horrible at the _words putting into sentence doing_ when I'm around anybody other than family. I never know the right thing to say.

I looked at him to find him checking me out with the most disgusting expression I've seen on a guy in awhile. "Whats your size girl? Because _dayum_ are those knockers banging baby!"

My breathing stopped while my mouth formed a slight "o" in shock. "Excuse me?" I said, my voice coming out hoarse. See what I mean by never saying the right thing. I should be cussing this guy out right now! I know that's what Shaylnn does whenever guys say things like this to her.

"Say another word to her and I'll set you on fire," a sexy baritone voice boomed from behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see the most gorgeous man I have ever seen strutting over to us. He had a cigarette in his mouth and his lighter in his hand, open and ready for action.

I saw Tyler shake in fear and take a step back. He held his arms up in the air as a truce and squeaked, "Whoa chill Paul. Were cool, were cool."

He angrily walked up to Tyler and towered over him. He grabbed him by the neck collar and brought the lighter close to his face. He light it and I could see nothing but pure horror on Tyler's face. "No we are not cool _Delgado_. If you ever say another word to her your ass is gettin set on fire. Can ya dig it?" I giggled at his making fun of the way Tyler talks. I couldn't help it. The guy looked over at me and flashed me the most breathtakingly beautiful smile I have ever seen.

I looked up into his soft sepia eyes and the most amazing thing happened, the instant our eyes meet I felt the connection that I've been longing for! It felt like my heart was pulling me to him and I took a step forward. He threw Tyler to the ground and mirrored my movement. I lifted my hand to touch his face but quickly brought it to my chest. I don't want to scare him off but I have this unfathomable urge to touch his soft...smooth... face. God, I need to know what his skin feels like against mine!

I decided to thank him for saving me to distract my mind from making me jump his bones right here in front of the whole student population. "Thank you...for that," I whispered and mentally cursed myself. Just this once why couldn't I say something cute or funny? Instead I had to make myself sound like a complete dimwit.

"Faith, get over here!" I heard Tangie yell. It brought me out of the trance this guy put me under and I looked around trying to find my sister. She was easy to spot, shes the only other person at school with blond hair other than me. I noticed she was standing next to a very ticked off looking Zander and bored. Oh boy, I'm going to get the _Any guy other than family is satan_ lecture from him again.

"Umm...bye." Very suave, Faith. Very not moronic. You'll have him head over heels for you in no time with that smooth talk. I sighed and ran over to my siblings with one last look at him over my shoulder.

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**A/N: ****I know, I know. Its another PaulxOC story! I can't help it. PaulxOC stories are so addicting to write! :) **

**This story is dedicated to my beta TwilightHeart21. It was her story _Live Life, Love Imprinting_ that inspired me to write this. This story is similar to hers but I can assure that it will not have the same plot. So no, I did not steal her idea. I was just inspired by it :D _Live Life, Love Imprinting_ is a amazing story and I highly recommend reading it. If you do check it out don't forget to review telling her how totally amazing she is and also that she needs to update! I wanna know what happens next, lol. Anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter :) **

**I know I say this in all my stories but ****I'm sorry the punctuation, spelling and grammar is so bad! ****You'll notice as chapters are being updated that it gets better every time. So please be patient with me ^^**

**Pictures are on my profile!**


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